


The Darkest of Nights

by Middle_Earth_NZ



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Clint Barton's Farm, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-16 14:23:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17551367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Middle_Earth_NZ/pseuds/Middle_Earth_NZ
Summary: The night before they take on Ultron, Tony has to share a room with Steve in Clint's farmhouse. Even on a good day, that would mean tension and awkwardness all around, but now Steve is already angry with Tony. Not that he thinks it's unjustified - Tony just isn’t sure he can take another argument today. Not with how tense and anxious and simply exhausted he is. This is not going to be fun.





	1. Chapter 1

Tony was edgy. There was no denying it – he’d felt anxious and nervous all day, and the rest of the team wasn’t faring much better. Tony could see it in the taut lines marring Bruce’s face or the way Clint was uncharacteristically serious. That Thor had just left them this morning spoke for itself, and even if for an outsider, Natasha would have seemed as calm and collected as ever, Tony had known her long enough to recognize her subtly tense body language. And Steve – well, he and Tony were arguing even on a good day, and since their dear team captain tended to become rather irritable when he was feeling uneasy, Tony was surprised that they hadn’t ripped each other’s heads off. Yet. They’d still have plenty of time to engage in something like that, though, since it had been decided it was better to stay overnight at the Bartons’ farmhouse. (‘It had been decided’ meaning they had voted, resulting in everyone except Tony being in favor of staying. Sure, they wouldn’t have achieved much by heading out at night, and getting some rest was probably the best option to take – assuming one _could_ take a rest after everything that had happened.) Anyway, the point was that Steve would have all night to give him hell about creating a homicidal robot, and Tony was _not_ appreciating that. At all. Especially since they had to share a room. Yeah, that’s right, he was about to spend the night with a stressed out and irritable Steve Rogers who, to top it off, was already pissed at him to begin with. Great. Well, at least Steve, being the team leader, hadn’t decided to take the other guest room for himself and leave him to be roomies with Fury. But that would have been too sadistic for their all-American hero. Probably. Or was it just that Steve enjoyed taking his nervous irritation out on someone who actually deserved it? Either way, Tony was not looking forward to the night as he opened the door to the guest room Clint had pointed them to, Steve right on his heels. Usually, he wasn’t too affected when someone gave him a piece of their mind (it _was_ justified in most cases, after all), but Tony wasn’t sure he could take it today. Not with how tense and anxious and simply _exhausted_ he was. This was not going to be fun.

As soon as they’d entered the room, Steve dropped his stuff on one of the two beds and disappeared into the en suite bathroom without so much as a glance at Tony.

Tony sighed wearily and sat on the other bed, stripping off his jeans and exchanging his button-down for a t-shirt. This wasn’t the first time he was glad everyone stored some spare clothes in the Quinjet, but he’d never thought they’d need sleepwear and all that. Well, first time for everything.

Tony leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes as he waited for his turn to use the bathroom. God, he was tired. There were times when he almost wished he hadn’t started this whole superhero business after coming back from Afghanistan. He could have left it at shutting down the weapons business and enjoying a calm life knowing he was improving the world with his technology. And this right now was one of those moments when he doubted his path of life. He was just making bad decisions all over again. And wasn’t this even worse than building weapons? Guns and missiles didn’t usually have a mind of their own, after all. What if the Avengers couldn’t stop Ultron and he’d wipe out Earth’s population? That would be on _him_.

Tony swallowed as the images of that witch’s vision flashed before his eyes again. Seeing everyone dead was one of his most terrible nightmares. Still, Fury had been right – the worst part wasn’t even that. God, what if Ultron left him alive to make him watch everyone he had ever cared about die?

The sound of a door opening pulled him out of his thoughts, and Tony was eternally grateful that Steve chose this exact moment to step out of the bathroom. His thoughts were starting to spiral downwards in a sharp descent, and Tony knew he couldn’t let his anxiety take over now. Not at a time like this.

He got up and headed for the en suite, hesitating in the doorway for a moment. He should tell Steve what he’d seen. What if his vision were to come true, and they could have prevented it? Tony swallowed thickly. “Look, Steve-”

Steve, having been about to slip into his bed, tensed visibly and gave a sharp exhale that made Tony fall silent. “Tony… Don’t. Just… don’t say anything right now, okay?” Finally, Steve turned around to meet Tony’s gaze. He looked absolutely worn out, making Tony almost feel guilty about even addressing him.

“I know we need to talk, but now isn’t the right time,” Steve continued, his voice not unkind but leaving no room for arguments either. “We’re tired, and you and I both know that nothing good is gonna come out of us talking things out right now. Let’s just go to sleep and worry about that tomorrow, okay?”

Tony sighed in defeat. He nodded, turning towards the en suite again. Steve did have a point. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

When he re-entered their bedroom five minutes later, Steve was lying under his covers, face turned to the wall. However, the tense outline of his shoulders indicated clearly that he wasn’t asleep yet. When Tony turned off the light and slipped into his own bed, he briefly debated saying something along the lines of ‘goodnight’, but as soon as he’d opened his mouth, he closed it again. It just felt… weird, out of place, to throw around empty words like that when there was so much at stake and even more tension between them.

So Tony just laid down and tried to adjust to the unfamiliar bed and surroundings. He had a feeling that this was going to be a long night.

***

It took Steve a long time to fall asleep. There was simply too much on his mind, even with the exhaustion tearing at his very bones. Across the room, Tony didn’t seem to be faring much better – he was tossing and turning ever since they’d gone to bed, and even though the constant rustling of the sheets only served to annoy Steve on top of his own restlessness, he didn’t have the heart to utter his irritation. Of course there was no denying that Steve was still angry with him, but he knew Tony was probably already beating himself up about his own actions. The way he knew him, it wasn’t that Tony didn’t realize when he made mistakes – he just tended to act over-confident and rash at times without thinking about possible consequences. Not that that was necessarily always a bad character trait – Steve had been witness to Tony’s quick-thinking mind often enough to know that his impulsive decisions usually turned out to be the right call. Still, Ultron was first-hand proof that that wasn’t always the case. If Tony had just _talked_ to his team for once before acting on his decisions, this might have been prevented, and that was what made Steve so angry about the whole matter. He trusted Tony, and even if Steve was well aware that he hadn’t intended to create a murder robot, it felt like a betrayal of his trust.

Steve exhaled silently and willed himself to stop thinking. He should really try and go to sleep. No matter how tomorrow was going to turn out, it was doubtlessly going to be a long day.

He actually managed to doze off after a while, but it wasn’t a restful kind of sleep that claimed him. Steve vaguely remembered dreaming something weird when he was woken from his sleep a few hours later.

He blinked groggily, taking a moment to get his bearings. The room was still mostly dark with only a pale gray shimmer to it which indicated it had to be very early in the morning. The faint light wasn’t what had pulled him from his sleep, however: The room was filled with harsh, labored breaths which cut through the otherwise silent atmosphere. Gosh, they sounded like someone who had just run a marathon or done some other strenuous exercise. Or… someone who was struggling for oxygen? Another noise caught his attention, muffled and very quiet, but nevertheless full of barely concealed distress.

Steve rolled over so he was facing the room and propped himself up on his arm, frowning. “Tony?” he whispered, squinting through the dim light. “Are you awake?”

There was a hitch in the ragged breathing, and Steve’s eyes had finally adjusted enough to see something move on the other bed. Or, rather, _flinch_ : The shape of Tony’s body, sitting up against the wall, jerked violently as Steve’s voice cut through the silence.

“It’s just me,” he reassured quickly, although feeling slightly ridiculous about it. It wasn’t as if anyone else were in the room except Tony and Steve. Still, something wasn’t quite right, and that was more important than rationality right now. “Is everything okay?” (Well, talk about saying silly things. _This_ was even more pointless since everything was obviously _not_ okay.)

“Steve…” was the choked reply he got a moment later, and Steve’s breath caught. He almost doubted that that shaky voice actually belonged to Tony. _God,_ he’d never expected to hear one of his teammates _whimper in utter terror_ , much less Tony of all people. He was always so well-composed and sure of himself, never backing down even in the face of mortal danger. And hearing this very man terrified out of his mind over something Steve didn’t know was deeply unsettling.

Steve folded his cover back and sat up in concern. “Hey, what’s wrong? Hold on, I’m coming over to you, okay?” He was mildly surprised when Tony actually nodded, almost having been expecting objection, but he pushed the thought aside in order to cross the room and slowly sit on the edge of the other bed. At this distance, he could see that Tony was rigid, his knees pulled to his chest and his entire body shaking like a leaf. His right hand was clawing into his shirt over his chest, the other arm wrapped around his shins. Even in the twilight, there were tear tracks visible on his face.

Steve’s heart clenched. What for Heaven’s sake was going on? He reached out to put a hand on Tony’s shoulder, careful to make the movement slow and visible. Tony didn’t tense further, which Steve took as a positive sign. At a lack of something better to do, he squeezed gently and began to slowly move his thumb back and forth. He hoped the touch was somewhat comforting. “Tony, can you talk to me? What happened?”

Tony’s eyes, wide and pained and so, _so_ terrified, met his, and he finally managed to gasp out, “Panic attack. I think. Steve, I-” He let his forehead fall onto his knees. “ _God._ ” His fingers tightened on his own chest with what had to be bruising force.

Steve resisted the urge to force Tony’s hand away. It pained him eternally to see him hurt himself physically in an attempt to distract himself from his terror. Still, Steve realized he’d probably not help by taking away this form of relief, and a few bruises wouldn’t kill Tony if this helped him ground himself.

So Steve took Tony’s other hand in his, running his thumb over the back of it much like he did on his shoulder. Tony’s fingers were icy cold and clammy. He returned the grip only loosely at first, as if fearing he might hurt Steve, or maybe simply uncomfortable with holding anyone’s hand. But after a moment, his fingers tightened around Steve’s.

Steve assumed the best he could do in this situation was probably simply to stay by Tony’s side. Still, he couldn’t be sure. “Is there anything I can do?”

Tony only shook his head without raising it from his knees.

Steve nodded, even though Tony probably couldn’t see it from his position. “Okay. Just take your time, it’s gonna be okay.” Empty words – that’s all they were. But Steve felt helpless. He just didn’t know how to deal with a situation like this. Was he doing the right thing? Should he tell Tony to try and breathe more slowly or would that just make him feel pressured? Should he get someone else? Steve and Tony weren’t exactly the closest on the team, and right now, with Ultron happening, even less so. Tony would doubtlessly be more comfortable with Bruce by his side, or Natasha. They’d possibly even know a way to help. God, Steve felt so small and young again. Like the scrawny kid from Brooklyn who’d try to take on some bullies, knowing he’d fail and hopefully be rescued by Bucky. Only that there were neither bullies to beat up nor his old pal to save his bottom right now. Instead, he had a friend experiencing a severe panic attack by his side and no idea how to proceed.

So for the next minutes, Steve just remained silent, slowly running his thumb over Tony’s shoulder. The only thing he was absolutely sure about was that he couldn’t let his own helplessness and worry show. Tony kept sucking in desperate breaths, shoulders heaving with the strain of it. At some point, his gasps turned even more unsteady, and Steve knew he was crying. His heart ached for Tony. Seeing a proud and brave man like him cry from pure fear felt like being stabbed in the chest with a searing hot knife.

But finally, _finally_ , Tony’s breathing calmed down to a closer to normal rate. Slowly, he raised his head and ran the hand that wasn’t currently holding Steve’s over his face.

“Are you… okay? Or better at least?” Steve inquired carefully, just to be sure (and, quite frankly, because he had no idea what else to say).

Tony nodded, still hiding his face in his palm. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat as the word came out hoarse and weak. “Yeah. Thanks. I… Sorry. I really didn’t mean to-”

But Steve shook his head and took advantage of the fact that Tony still hadn’t let go of his hand by squeezing it gently. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay. And this is nothing you could help, is it?”

But Tony also shook his head, finally looking up at him. His eyes were red and his face pale. He looked absolutely dreadful. “No, I mean-” He had to clear his throat again as his voice broke. “I mean sorry about everything. Not just now. About Ultron. I _know_ it was a stupid thing to do, but at the time…” He trailed off and clenched his jaw.

Steve sighed. He really didn’t think they should talk about this right now, but now that Tony had brought it up, deflecting would probably just make everything worse. “Tony… Of course you and Bruce didn’t mean for Ultron to turn out the way he did. I know that. I know _you._ But that’s not even the point. We’re all allowed to make mistakes. I’m angry because you had to be aware that it was an unnecessary risk you took by creating something like that. You didn’t even talk to us about what you were about to do. Don’t get me wrong, Tony, I really don’t want to lecture you about this thing right now. But I just can’t understand what drove you to do this in the first place, and that’s what makes me so frustrated. There was no need to create Ultron, but you did it anyway. I just want to know _why_ , Tony.” Steve had intended to phrase his words more gentle than the last time they’d talked about this, but when Tony’s breathing started to pick up again, he feared too much of his frustration had bled though his voice. He had been right – they shouldn’t be talking about Ultron when Tony’s nerves were already scraped raw by his panic attack.

So before Tony could muster up an answer and possibly grow more distressed, Steve squeezed his shoulder. “We don’t have to talk about this right now. I just wanted you to know that I’m not disappointed in what you did but rather frustrated because I don’t understand the reason why you did it. We can have this conversation when all of this is over.”

Tony let go of Steve’s hand and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, elbows on his knees. He nodded, letting out a shaky breath, but didn’t reply.

Steve’s brow creased. “Are you all right?”

Tony somehow managed to nod and shake his head at the same time. “Yeah. No. I don’t know. I feel sick.”

Steve nodded understandingly. He knew the feeling of stress and adrenaline finally receding, leaving you shaky and nauseous. However, he had a hunch that Tony was even more familiar with it. Coming to a quick decision, Steve got up and held his hand out for Tony to follow his example. “Come on. How about we go to the kitchen and get you a glass of water?”

Tony hesitated but seemed to realize that staying cramped up in this room until morning wouldn’t make him feel any better. So he nodded tiredly and allowed Steve to help him to his feet.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony’s mind was still an anxious mess of swirling thoughts and memories as he followed Steve down the stairs on shaky legs. He kept an iron grip on the handrail, not yet trusting his knees not to give out under him. He knew he shouldn’t feel surprised at the way Steve was trying his best to help him since the minute he’d been woken up by Tony’s panic attack. As much as he sometimes wanted to deny it – Steve was not only the best leader the Avengers could dream of having, no, he was also someone who genuinely cared about everyone. Even if he happened to be not on the best of terms with the person in question.

Still, Tony couldn’t help but feel… if not surprised, then at least _insecure_ about Steve being so gentle with him when they’d been snapping at each other only hours before. Although his conscious mind knew Steve and his empathy for everyone, his subconscious had simply not expected this. God, that sounded pathetic even in his own mind. Poor little Tony didn’t think he was worth Steve’s help because Daddy had trampled his self-esteem into the ground when he was a kid. Boo-hoo. Why not start bawling into Steve’s shoulder about his messed-up childhood right now when they were already at it? Jeez. Tony almost scoffed. He _really_ should start getting a grip on himself again. Having Steve see him so helpless was embarrassing enough. (Not that he wasn’t secretly really, _really_ glad he’d been panicking loud enough to rouse Steve from his sleep half an hour ago. But he didn’t feel like acknowledging that right now. Or ever.)

Shaking his thoughts off, Tony followed Steve into the kitchen and accepted the glass that was pressed into his hands. He nodded his thanks as he leaned against the counter and took a sip. The water tasted pleasantly cool in his desert-like mouth, and he felt his still tight throat muscles finally relax as he kept drinking slowly.

Meanwhile, Steve got himself a glass of water too and wandered over to the opposite part of the kitchen to look out the window.

Tony had no idea why, but for some reason he felt suddenly glad that Steve was leaving him some space for a moment, and be it simply by turning his back to him while still being a reassuring presence in the room.

Tony closed his eyes and pressed the cool glass to his cheeks. Even though his hands and feet were still resembling ice cubes, his face felt overheated. Only now Tony noticed that his shirt was absolutely drenched in sweat. Ugh, he really couldn’t be easy in the eyes right now. (Or the nose, for that matter.) He pushed his free hand through his hair, sticky with a mixture of half-dried sweat and the remains of yesterday’s hair gel. He was in serious need of a shower. Tony drained the last of his water and had to admit to himself that he was already feeling a little better. If only the lingering thoughts at the back of his mind weren’t there, waiting for the right moment to strike and-

Tony inhaled sharply and clenched his had around the glass. His heart rate started to pick up once more. Oh God, not again. He couldn’t deal with another panic attack right now. He had to think about something else. Something that didn’t send waves of terror through him. But his mind was filled with images of spaceships, aliens, his friends dead in front of his eyes, dead, dead, _dead-_

“Let me take that,” Steve’s calm voice cut through his rapidly spiraling thoughts as the glass was gently pried from Tony’s grasp. His gaze snapped up. He hadn’t even noticed Steve standing in front of him but was more than glad for the interruption.

Steve put both their glasses onto the kitchen counter behind Tony’s back, his hand brushing Tony’s shoulder as he drew it back. Although the slight touch would have seemed unintentional to anyone else, Tony knew that Steve had deliberately used it to try and ground him, make him stay in the present. He swallowed. “Thanks,” Tony said, and they both knew he wasn’t expressing his gratitude that Steve had relieved him of his glass.

Steve smiled at him. “Sure.” He paused. “Do you want to try and get a few more hours of sleep? No offense, but you look pretty exhausted.”

Tony bit the inside of his cheek. It _was_ tempting. God, he was so tired. But despite that, he knew for sure that what sleep he might get wasn’t going to be restful. So he sighed and shook his head. “I don’t think that would be the wisest thing to do right now.” The sun was already starting to rise anyway if the pale blue shimmer outside the kitchen window was any indication. Suddenly, Tony felt the strong desire to breathe some fresh air. “I’d rather go outside for a bit,” he said and was not surprised when Steve immediately volunteered to join him.

They stepped out into the cool morning air barely five minutes later. Tony had changed out of his sweaty shirt and was distinctly glad to have pulled on his hoodie jacket too. It was cold so early in the morning, but the sky was cloudless and promised a warm, sunny day. The two of them headed down the few steps leading to the veranda and started to walk slowly.

While behind them on the eastern horizon, there was already a slight golden shimmer to be seen, the sky in front of them was still mostly dark. As Tony looked up, he could see the faint sparkling of fading stars, millions of tiny dots that were invisible back home in New York City.

“This is beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, too mesmerized to take his gaze off the sky. He’d never really been into watching nature or anything, being the city boy that he was, but he could appreciate a breathtaking view nonetheless. “Maybe we should invite ourselves to Clint’s more often,” he mused, only half-joking. This view was sure worth all the wood-chopping and tractor-repairing and dish-washing they would doubtlessly be condemned to do.

Well, probably.

Maybe.

Steve snorted. Tony glanced over at him in time to see his mouth quirk up in amusement. “I’m not sure Clint would appreciate us inviting ourselves into his home whenever we feel like stargazing, but you’re welcome to try your luck.”

Now it was Tony’s turn to huff. He made a dismissive gesture with his hand. “It’s not like he’d just kick me out. Clint’s not _that_ heartless.”

Steve’s doubtful grin said more than thousand words ever could, and Tony frowned in mock thoughtfulness. “Okay, you’re right. Maybe he is that heartless, after all.”

Steve laughed. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” he accused, playfully nudging Tony with his shoulder. “And it’s not like you couldn’t afford a premises like this for yourself.”

“Yeah, well, but that would mean all of you guys would come by to hang out and eat all of my food and annoy _me_ instead of Clint.” Tony shuddered. “Oh _hell_ no, Rogers, that’s not happening.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “And we don’t do that already on a regular basis? Avengers Tower is yours, after all.”

Tony waved a hand. “Details.” He put his hands into the pockets of his jacket and inhaled deeply, trying not to acknowledge the warmth that spread in his chest at the friendly banter. God, he had missed this. It had only been about two days since this mess had started, and with it the tension between him and the team, but to Tony it felt like ages.

“Steve,” he said after a moment of comfortable silence, and even he could hear that his own voice was devoid of all the humor that had been there seconds ago. Steve must have picked up on that too, because when he turned his head to meet Tony’s gaze, his playful smile had given way to a carefully neutral expression that was only betrayed by a slight crease in his brow.

Tony almost regretted having destroyed the relaxed atmosphere of the moment, but he knew he had to tell Steve about his reasons for creating Ultron. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes for a few seconds. “That Maximoff girl… Do you think she is able to make someone see the future? Like a prophetic vision?”

Steve seemed to consider his question for a moment, his face giving away nothing. “I don’t know,” he finally said. Tony tried not to feel disappointment at the answer. Of course Steve wouldn’t know. How could he, after all? It was not like Steve was an expert on telepathic mutations. Still, some tiny and possibly a little childish part of Tony had hoped that Steve would have an answer for the question that had been on his mind ever since his vision.

However, Steve wasn’t finished. “But I’m sure of one thing: Whatever she made you see, Tony, it was not with the intention of showing you the future. She aimed to manipulate us, tear us apart by attacking our most intimate thoughts. Her goal was to cause fear, not to show us the future.”

Tony nodded mutely, feeling Steve’s gaze linger on his face. Maybe he was right. _God_ , how he hoped he was. Knowing what he had seen might be to become reality was unbearable.

Steve didn’t press further, didn’t ask what the girl had actually shown him, and Tony was grateful for that. His nerves were scraped raw and vulnerable. Suddenly, he was scared that telling Steve would bring the images back, pull him back down into the pitch black abyss of pure terror. Still, he felt like he _needed_ to – and not only because he owed it to him.

They walked on in silence, and it was neither the awkward nor the comfortable kind. At least for Tony – Steve appeared to be as relaxed as usual – since there was simply too much anxious tension within him. For a while, Tony just focused on sucking in the cool morning air until he felt his head clear a little.

“You were dead,” he finally said. Even to himself, his voice sounded hollow and devoid of any emotion. “All of you. I found myself on some kind of planet, and there was nothing but darkness and space. I saw a portal, too, like the one Loki created three years ago, and those huge Chitauri space whale things. They were _everywhere_ , and they were heading through the portal, straight to earth. And you – the team, everyone was lying there right in front of me, and you told me- You told me I-” Tony’s voice broke. Christ, when would he stop making a fool of himself? Steve and the others seemed relatively unfazed by their visions, and he couldn’t even keep the tremor out of his voice when talking about what he had seen.

“I told you everything’s your fault, didn’t I?”

Tony turned sharply to look at Steve. His teammate was closer to the truth than he would have given him credit for. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Only now he realized they had both stopped walking at some point.

Steve returned his gaze for a moment longer before shaking his head with a sigh. “I know you, Tony. It wasn’t very hard to make a guess.” He paused, and Tony just nodded mutely, suddenly unable to hold Steve’s gaze anymore. His throat was tight.

Steve took his time to continue, eyes skimming the horizon in thought. “The safety of the world doesn’t lie on your shoulders alone,” he finally said. “I know you feel responsible because you have the means to fight what threatens that safety. I do too – of course I do, and believe me when I tell you that the others feel the same way. That’s just the way it is – and it’s a good thing. But taking responsibility doesn’t mean you have to carry all of it on your own. That’s what a team is for, isn’t it? So if anything, it would be all of us who’s at fault. Not to mention that sometimes even the greatest effort isn’t enough to stop something bad from happening.”

Tony clenched his teeth, at a loss of what to say to that. Steve was right, of course he was. Sometimes even giving one’s best didn’t suffice. Tony knew that. Hell, how could he not? It wasn’t as if every mission he’d been on with his team had always been a hundred per cent successful. There were always going to be damage and casualties in their line of work. But being aware of that didn’t mean he was at peace with the idea that maybe if he’d been a little faster, a little smarter, a little more precise, he could have prevented someone’s death. The team had been lucky so far that none of them had been killed or seriously injured. But for how long? Who was to say if all of them were going to survive when they faced Ultron? And as much as Steve was right with his talk about team responsibility – _that_ would be on him alone.

“That’s why you created Ultron in the first place, isn’t it? Because you were afraid that your vision might become reality, and you had to do everything in your power to prevent that.”

Only then Tony realized how long he had been lost in his thoughts, staring blankly at the horizon over Steve’s shoulder. He took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh as he met his gaze. He let the corner of his mouth kick up in a sardonic half-smile. “Not my best idea, eh?”

Steve huffed. “No, not really. Just… think about the possible risks next time, okay? And, for Heaven’s sake, _talk_ to one of us.”

Tony nodded mutely, suddenly unable to hold his gaze. Steve didn’t sound angry or even disappointed in him anymore, just… understanding. And Tony didn’t know if he liked or hated that. On the one hand, he was relieved that he hadn’t ruined their slowly developing friendship, but on the other hand… Tony felt like he didn’t deserve this. Steve was just too forgiving. Hell, he’d created a threat to the entire world! How could Steve be so _damn_ understanding about it?

“And please stop beating yourself up about it.”

Now, Tony couldn’t help but let his gaze flicker towards Steve for a second. Was he really that easy to read?

Apparently he was, because Steve must have seen something in his eyes that prompted him to reach out and squeeze his shoulder, hesitating only for a moment before wrapping his arms around him in a hug. Tony was too perplexed to move at first. Then, his brain finally caught up with him, and he returned the embrace hesitantly. It didn’t feel as awkward as it should. Just warm and… and _safe_.

When Tony pulled back after a long moment, he felt like he should say something. Maybe thank Steve for being so kind about this whole mess, or maybe even apologize once more. Tell him something like this would never happen again. But when he met Steve’s gaze, the warm smile that greeted him vanquished all need to articulate any more words. It was _okay._

In a comfortable silence, they started walking again, this time heading back towards the house. The sky behind it was gaining color, the sun peeking out over the horizon to cast the world in a warm golden shimmer. Tony looked back over his shoulder to where the sky was still mostly dark and felt oddly poetic. Even that part of the world would be bright and warm eventually, just as the sun would set again in the evening. It was then that Tony began to realize that not only nature was a cycle – life was much the same. Light and dark would always alternate, one unable to exist without the other. There would never be a thing such as eternal day, but what was even more important – it promised that even the darkest of nights wouldn’t last for ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed reading.  
> Since English isn't my first language, suggestions for improvements of any kind are very much appreciated! ;)


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